it's a wonderful life...is it???

as i sit here this morning, i'm trying to pretend that it's any other day but christmas day. i mean, i would have never thought that i'd be spending christmas day alone. waking up to a big house on christmas morning by yourself is not what i dreamed for me. can i just say that being far away from your family stinks! as i sat watching "it's a wonderful life" last night with some friends, i couldn't help but relate to george bailey. everything he dreamed of and had set out to do, never happened. i feel that way sometimes. oh how i wish god would give each one of us a glimpse into our lives. what would things look like if i was never born? has my life really made an impact on other people around me? how would my life have turned out if i'd taken a different path? what kind of person would i be if things would have gone MY way? it's hard to know. we can only imagine and imagine away i do. i question god this morning as i sit alone. for those of you that know me well, know that i thrive on people. i get my energy from being around people, so being alone on christmas morning is torture for me. i don't know god's purpose in allowing me to be alone this morning. i'm sure it will make sense some day, years from now when i look back on this christmas in 2008. i'm sure i've offended someone in being so "negative" on christmas day, but i hate being fake. i'm all about being real. when it comes down to it, i have lots to be thankful for, but i'm still sitting here on the couch all alone and that just plain sucks. merry christmas!!